I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
