I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
