the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
