You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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