Say something about gay babies.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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