Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
