I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
