I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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