So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
