wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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