i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
