Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
