i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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