I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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