we have officially lost it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
