I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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