Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
