its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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