The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
