I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
