i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
