We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
