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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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