i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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