i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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