That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
that may or may not have been my penis.
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