there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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