I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
