How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
