Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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