It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
