i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
