I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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