no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
