4 words: hood of his car
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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