So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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