I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
