The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
