I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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