i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
