No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
