Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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