You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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