You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
