It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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