I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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