areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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