i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's always time for handjobs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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