never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
