i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
