a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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