All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
