I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
