Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
someone owes me an orgasm
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
