I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
