I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
