Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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