i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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