Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
