ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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